Second post, first day.

My head's medssed up.

I wish it wasn't, it hurts like hell.

It's just...the past...people from the past that I just can't let go of. I can't forget about him.

Add that to the fact that I scoffscoffscoffed almost 3000 cals today. It's disgusting, and I'm disgusting.

I was trying to get rid of my easter eggs, but I ended up shoving them down my throat. And at about 600 cals each, it most certainly wasn't a good idea. I was sooo good yesterday. I ate nothing. I ate nothing this morning, but ended up eating pudding for lunch! Darn leftovers from easter...exactly why I hate the holidays.

3000 calories. Pig.

Tonight is a turning point. Tonight is where I force my self-control into top gear. It's pretty much been in reverse for the whole of my life (hence the reason I'm so hugely FAT). But it is tonight that it begins for real. Tonight is the point of no return. Tonight.

Now, surely a night where my head is this messed up isn't a good night for messing myself up even more...?

WRONG!!

It's the perfect night! I can see why he wants nothing to do with me. I can see why I have no friends. I can see why I am a complete and utter failure!!

It's food! Food has done all this to me! Food and a lack of self-control has left me stranded on a damaged boat in the middle of a storm. If I lose weight, I can get them back. I can be amazing. Thin will make me good.

Ana, I need your help with this. I need you more than ever. Please.